Ron Weasley, Matchmaker?
by turtur6
Summary: Harry Potter parody. Don't shoot me; contains Drarry- Draco/Harry. CLICHED BUT HEY THAT'S WHAT I LIVE FOR!


**A/N: Okay, so it's the most clichéd title, like, ever. But it's SO FUNNY! *dies* **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, or any other character, setting, or idea from Harry Potter. They all belong to JK Rowling and/or whoever else they belong to. In short: I OWN NOTHING. But I can use it as I wish! **

**Summary: Ron tries to give his hapless friend Harry advice. Unfortunately, sometimes its hard to understand things when you don't have all the necessary information. Everyone behaves badly to the point of idiocy.**

**Warning: Slight OOCness. Hermione seems to have become Ron, Ron has become seme!Draco, Harry had become uke!Draco, and Draco... has become Lavender Brown. Contains slash: Drarry.**

Ronald Bilius Weasley was not a stupid person. He wasn't a genius, and his grades were only mediocre, but despite what it might seem he was relatively smart. At least compared to his best friend Harry Potter. He might have been the Boy Who Lived, but he was a complete idiot.

For example, here was Ron's sister, little Ginny... well, not so little now (Ron cracked his knuckles). The amount of pure love filling every pore of her face was blinding as she gazed across the Griffindor common room at the completely oblivious Harry. But all he did was space out and stare out the window like he was expecting an owl.

"Ron, what are you doing?"

Ron glanced back over his shoulder at Hermione Granger, whose frizzy hair was pulled back with a clip and several barrettes. She gave him an annoyed look.

"You're supposed to be writing an essay. I repeat: what are you doing?"

"Oh, yeah. 'M on it." He turned to his empty parchment. Hermione bit her lip and looked away.

It was in Harry's best interests, Ron decided, to give him some advice.

~?~

"Harry... I've noticed lately that you seem to be rather unlucky in love."

Harry went extremely red in the face.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Ron waved a hand. "Hush hush." Harry, the poor fool, did so. "We all know Cho wasn't meant to be, but she was the only girlfriend you've ever had! The Boy Who Lived can do better than that!"

Harry opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

"Is there any advice you'd like, by any chance?"

Harry seized his chance. "Actually, there is!" Ron smiled. He knew it. "There's someone I like... but I know they don't like me. Maybe once they might have, but now... I know I'll never get a chance." Harry looked down, blushing. "What should I do?"

Ron smirked. Obviously, his stupid friend was very much in love with his sister. It would be _so awesome_ if Harry became part of the family. "Well," he said, pretending he had no idea who the someone might be. "I would advise telling this person how you feel!"

"Really?" Harry's eyes shone. "Thank you, Ron! I'll do it... tomorrow!"

Ron patted his head. Harry was famous and all that, but he wasn't that smart.

~?~

"So I told him, I said- Ron, are you even listening to me?"

Hermione waved a hand in front of Ron's vacant face. He snapped back to attention

"Oh, yeah! So what did you say?"

"Well, I asked him why I couldn't go to the Restricted Section..."

Ron stopped listening, and went back to searching the Great Hall for his dimwitted friend Harry Potter. There was Ginny, sitting with Dean and eating her bacon despondently while Dean talked her ear off. But where was Harry? He had to come and tell Ginny his feelings! Then they would grow up, get married, and have three kids. What would they name them... James and Lily, of course. Harry was a sap like that... and the third... Albus. And, just because Harry was slightly crazy, his middle name would be one of the Hogwarts professors... probably Severus. How could Harry be so _dumb, _so _predictable?_

Where was he?

~?~

Harry Potter walked through the Great Hall towards the Slytherin table. After two years of misplaced affection, he had finally admitted to himself that he had a crush on Draco Malfoy. He had been dreamy and distracted trying to figure out what to do about it, until Ron had offered advice and (using some seriously twisted logic) his consent. Now he was going to be brave and tell Draco how he felt.

He reached the table and, ignoring the disturbed stares of the other Slytherins, tapped his "nemesis" on the shoulder hesitantly.

"Er, Malfoy, can I ask you something?"

~?~

"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" A high-pitched (yet manly) squeal of delight rang through the Great Hall, ending with a scrape of wood against stone and a heavy thump. Ron swiveled his head so fast he got a fantastic crick in his neck, just in time to see a blond blur leap bodily from his bench and into the arms of...

Oh.

My.

Merlin.

Ginny burst into tears.

Ronald Bilius Weasley stood up and marched over to the Slytherin table.

~?~

It was a week later, and Ron was nursing a broken arm (courtesy Malfoy: was it really possible that love triumphed over all?) and scowing into his morning pumpkin juice as Harry and this strange "Draco" person cuddled over across the table (apparently the usually snobbish Malfoy could make an exception and sit at the Griffindor table when there was snogging involved- heavy snogging, too; Ron looked up once and nearly inhaled his toast at the sight). Hermione kept giving him the strangest looks, all sad and happy at the same time. What was with her?

He asked her this.

"Oh..." She sighed. "Nothing." And went on gazing into his eyes.

"Oh, okay." He shoved a rasher of bacon into his mouth.

Why was everyone so _stupid_?!

**Moral: Don't count your in-laws until you know their sexual orientation.**


End file.
